Are you kidding me?

There are some days where there aren't words to even describe the madness I live in.

Last night we were doing a last minute yard party (although I don't think my kids would use the term "party") before the rain came again. We (and by "we" I mean "husband") had the older two outside mowing the lawn, sweeping the patio and weed-eating.  Aaron went outside and hung out on the retaining wall while everyone was working around him--well everyone except for me :). I figured he was probably secure in the backyard, so I went in the house.  Being outside was much better than him sitting on the computer, or so I thought.  When I peeked outside to do an "Aaron check" (making sure he was still in the backyard and not wandering the neighborhood) I saw him bending over the retaining wall, and spitting dirty water out.  Huh.  I had a feeling I knew where he got the dirty water, but I didn't really want to admit it.  Right after he spit out this water he came running inside and grabbed a straw.  At this point I had a pretty good idea of what he was going to do, but rather than stop him, I decided to follow him with my camera.  My boy did not disappoint.

Yes, that is him sucking NASTY water out of our fire pit, trying to hold it in the straw, and spitting it onto the wall.  My husband can't believe that I'm not stopping him, and I told him I would as soon as I got pictures.  After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.  You need the visual to see how nasty this actually is. I seriously wonder what is going on in his head when he comes up with these things!
 

Spring Break

 It's spring break for us!  If I were 20 years younger it's possible that spring break would have meant living it up in Florida/Mexico/anywhere other than rainy Puget Sound.  Actually, it wouldn't have been that kind of spring break for me, but I can pretend.  But onto today's reality.  This year for spring break we decided to actually capitalize on the sunshine (something virtually nonexistent in Western Washington), and take a couple of day trips.  People who know us would not classify our family as "outdoorsy".  In fact, a few people in my family may be allergic to fresh air.  So you can imagine the surprise in my kids when we told them we were going to take a drive to hike to some waterfalls.  We were not met with overwhelming excitement, but we forced them to go anyway.  We needed to get out of the house and hoped that Aaron would behave.

There were three awesome parts to Day Trip #1.  Destination: waterfalls.

1.  Aaron was contained in the car for a one hour drive, for a total of two hours.  Nice.  There's not much he can ruin buckled up in the car.  Except for that one time where he got totally naked while he remained buckled up.  Oh and then there's the time that he opened the door while I was driving.  Never mind.  There are all sorts of things he can do in the car, but this time he sat quietly (most of the time).

2.  We learned that Aaron has a healthy fear of waterfalls.  You can get fairly close to one of the waterfalls, and when we were trying to walk down there Aaron formed a death grip on Husband's hand.  Husband was gently encouraging him and he was having nothing to do with it.  When your minimally verbal kid says "NO WATER", you aquiesce to his request. We were thrilled at the development that he had a fear of danger (at least this dangerous situation).

3.  We all got to see nature AND get exercise.  Double bonus.  We could have done without the incessant complaining from the 15 year-old who would rather have been killing imaginary bad guys on the XBox than spending the day enjoying God's creation with his family, but I'm pretty sure at 15 I would have been complaining too.  Now exercise isn't something that Aaron is really a fan of.  I suppose if he were having to run to get the last chocolate chip cookie before I ate it he wouldn't mind it so much.  But to walk for the sake of walking...not so much.  He was a good sport for a long time (like 30 minutes).  He got to flap his hands at the fish in the fish hatchery, and again at the rushing of the waterfalls.  But walking for the sake of walking got old real fast.  Eventually whenever we got to a fork in the trail, and we would stop so the four of us could argue discuss which way to go, Aaron would plop down and refuse to get up.  After a few times of his sit-in protesting, we decided to head back so we wouldn't have to carry him out of there!  We had some good laughs over his refusal to get up and how ridiculous we must have looked trying to get this kid to keep walking.

All in all the trip was a success (especially since he got a donut out of the deal).  It was a great way to kill 5 hours, and he didn't ruin a thing!  Yay for Day 1.  Only 6 more days to go!        

Happy World Autism Awareness Day

Unless you live under a rock you have probably seen somewhere that today is World Autism Awareness Day, and April is Autism Awareness Month.  You have probably seen some of the statistics:

2002  1 in 150 children

2004  1 in 125 children

2006  1 in 110 children

2008  1 in 88 children

Currently 1 in 54 boys is diagnosed with autism.  

1 in 54.  

You've got the people out there who say it is now a broader diagnosis, and others who don't buy that line.  You've got the people out there who swear it's caused by vaccinations, "leaky gut", the environment, genetics, or having super smart parents (I like to think it's the super smart parents because that means I'm super smart--yay me).  Most people have an opinion on the best intervention, and others think no intervention is needed at all.  You've got some parents yelling and screaming over all sorts of things (acceptance, education, insurance, various interventions), you've got other parents who are curled up in a ball in the corner, unable to accept the impact of an autism diagnosis.  You have parents who want their kids labeled, and others who refuse to utter the word autism as if it's a stigma that will socially isolate their child from all of the world.  You have people who think autistic kids are just unruly kids who need a good spanking time out, and other who think that because they're autistic they shouldn't be disciplined at all.

And then you have me.  :)  On the one hand I applaud those people who have strong opinions, but on the other hand, people within the "autism community" can be just as closed minded (perhaps even more so) than the ignorant people on the outside looking in.  Here's the thing--I really don't care.  Just like you, I have my own opinions (that I generally keep to myself), but at the end of the day, guess what?  My son is still autistic.  At the end of the day we STILL don't know what causes autism, we STILL don't have a "cure", we STILL don't understand the complex workings of the human brain.  In the midst of all of the unknowns about autism, there are a few things I know, and life lessons I have learned along the way. 

1.  I don't need to know WHY my guy is 1 in 54.  To me it doesn't matter.  He's mine. 

2.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Thank you Kelly Clarkson for singing about it because now I have a tune to remind me!

3.  I'm popular--seriously popular in my town.  If there was a mother-of-an-autistic-child popularity contest where I live.  I would win.  No joke.

4.  Perspective is imperative--hey that's pretty catchy.  It could ALWAYS be worse.  ALWAYS.  That being said, I'm not gonna lie, the amount of sympathy and admiration I get because of the stupid things Aaron does feels really, really good!

5.  Thick skin is handy. 99% of the time I really don't care what people think about me, my parenting or my kid (I'm not perfect--sshhh don't tell my kids or husband that).  Walk a mile (or 1/10th of a mile for that matter--you'll give him right back) in my shoes, and then we'll talk.  It's unfair to expect ignorant people to know what it's like.  You can't fix stupid.

6.  Just because I had hopes and dreams for my kid that will most likely never come true doesn't mean that if he were "typically developing" (let's be P.C. here) he would have those same dreams.  Would you really feel like it was the end of the world if one of your "typical" kids decided to not get married and have kids?  (And if you would feel like it was the end of the world, might I suggest you get help for your control issues). It's okay to grieve those things that you feel like you've "lost".  I've done my share of grieving, and every once in awhile something happens and that sadness pops up.  There are plenty of days when autism sucks.  It does.  I would be a liar if I told you that it doesn't hurt to see your friends' kids who are the same age meet milestones that you will probably never see.  BUT, if I focus on all the things Aaron can't do, I'll miss out on all of the things he CAN do.

7.  I've had opportunities and experiences that I never would have had if it weren't for autism.  I have made new friends and helped complete strangers.  Heck, I've been on the news, spoken to graduate students at a university, and given a speech in front of hundreds of really rich people who were donating to a good cause.  I told you, I'm popular (and humble).

8.  I don't hang my hat on what the "experts" say.  My favorite is: if they aren't talking by the time they're 5, well, you're outta luck.  Guess what?  Aaron was 10.  Those experts can shove it....

9.  I get to celebrate all kinds of things that other people take for granted.  I will never forget when I was so excited that Aaron played in the toilet because that meant he was aware of something in his environment.  Seriously, I was elated.  Although it got old quick.

10.  I have a firm belief in God's divine wisdom, and He clearly believed that I was the best mother for Aaron.  I'm not sure why He's that crazy, and you had better believe that one day I will ask Him that question!  God won't give you more than you can handle--I just wish He didn't trust me so much.  Another one of my favorite quotes.  It's sitting on my piano.

11.  I've learned a new language that is full of acronyms.  I don't know how many I am up to, but it's a lot.  It's fun to throw them around so I sound smarter than I actually am.

12.  Laughter truly is the best medicine.  In the trials of autism with so much that is out of control, I have control of my attitude.  I have options: curl up in the corner (guilty), get super mad at some of the ridiculous things that Aaron does (guilty), or take it with a grain of salt and choose to see the funny side of it.  Most of the time I choose the last one.

And finally,

13.  Red wine and Banana Taffy help.  (Although I don't recommend them at the same time--it's nasty).

Siblings saved his life

My older two children deserve a medal of honor.  Together they saved their brother's life (or maybe they saved their mother's life)...either way....all members of our family are alive and uh well.  Maybe that's a little extreme.  How about they saved us the expensive copay to commit me to Western State Hospital.

Our garage has turned into one gigantic garbage collector.  For some reason, when we ask children to take out the recycle or put something in the garage they hear, "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah" and translate it to "Hey take this, and just throw it anywhere in the garage.  Anywhere is fine."  Needless to say, this interpretation combined with my lack of desire to make them ACTUALLY do what I told them to created one big disaster.  It was kind of like Hoarders with a small area carved out to park my car.  Getting in and out of the car was quite a feat, and we were always tripping over things trying to get in and out.  Yesterday Husband decided it was time to clean out the garage.  It was sunny (which is super rare in the Northwest), so it was time to end the procrastination.

Aaron was on the computer watching the same 3 second clip from a Veggie Tales movie, so we brought the older two kids out to break down some of the boxes.  BIG mistake.  I know better.  I know better.  I know better.  Why don't I listen to myself?  Oh I know--because no one else does!  My son goes back in the house to find a box of popsicles unwrapped and dipped in sugar, all over the kitchen counters and floor (nicely staining the grout on my counter tops and leaving the floor so sticky that three times over with a mop didn't even get it).  Since he saw the mess first, we made him clean it while we continued working on the garage.  (We were losing daylight, and the contents of our garage were all over the driveway).  A little bit later Daughter comes back out and says, "Mom, do you want me to clean your bathroom?  You should probably see it."  I tell her that if she wants her brother to live then she should clean it and not tell me what happened.  She can tell by the tone in my voice that I'm probably kidding.  Probably.  I didn't really want a recap because I pretty much knew what happened.  My trash can confirmed my suspicions, a full bottle of dish soap and shaving cream were completely empty.  Seriously!  I suppose the upside is that at the end of the day I had a clean garage, a clean bathroom, and a mostly clean kitchen with sticky floors!  It could be worse. 

My little shopper

After living in my house for a year, I've finally decided that it's time to start decorating it like someone lives here.  Thus, my need for curtain rods.  First of all, I suck at decorating, so trying to figure out what I want is a challenge.  But how hard can CURTAIN RODS be?  Husband has the day off so we decide to go take Little Monster to the store to pick out curtain rods.  We'll go to Ross and see if they have anything, and if not, Lowes it is.

For the most part I LOVE LOVE LOVE to shop (if I'm alone), but let me be honest--I hate Ross.  This whole "looking for treasures" is a bunch of crap.  My brain isn't wired to look for treasures; however, my brain is wired to see $9.99 curtain rods and decide that is better than the $32.99 curtain rods at Lowes--especially since I need two. ($20 or $65--I'm willing to treasure hunt for 3 minutes).  Husband, Monster and I walk into Ross, and Aaron immediately has an agenda.  My agenda outranks his, so we drag him through the store and find curtain rods that will work (for $9.99 each--nice).  Being the nice mom that I am, I decide to let him take me to where he wants to go--the toy aisles. Husband goes to one end of the aisle and I take the other so we've got him blocked off and he can't go bolting through the store.  It only takes him a minute to come up with this:

I'm so proud! Really!

I'm laughing and think this is absolutely hilarious, and who can refuse that face, so I let him take his treasures to the checkout.  Husband is looking at me like I'm crazy, and I'm like, "what?"  He says, "you're going to let him get all of that?"  I reply, "hey-they are toys.  Our son wants to play with toys.  Come on, let's get them."  Who can refuse me?  So we're standing in line, and he spots a package of Jelly Bellies.  "I want candy"  Ugh.  "I want jelly bean"  Awe.....so of course we HAD to get those too.  I pay for our "treasures"...IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER TO GO TO LOWES.  This is why I don't take him shopping with me. 

The funny thing is, he picked out this piece of junk Transformers "laptop" (which even though I knew it was a piece of junk I still bought it for him--how's that for good parenting).  As it turns out, today he showed us on that junky "laptop" that he could type all sorts of things (most of which we knew he could, but he surprised us by spelling our names).  When Husband got home from work tonight I gave Aaron the "laptop" and told him to spell Cameron.  It didn't look like he was going to do it so I said, "c....a...."--which he typed and then ignored me and finished with "ndy".  Ha ha ha ha!  That kid makes me laugh!

Fishing for fishies

I'd like to say that the reason I haven't posted in months is that my ball of trouble is no longer trouble; however, that is not the case.  I've thought about posting often, but haven't been able due to terminally ill parents.  Well, we're back.  I'm hoping I can get to my storytelling again and make you all feel better about your lives.  Here goes.

Tonight I went to my first support group meeting for parents of children with disabilities.  I have never ever had a desire to do such a thing, but it was the first night and I volunteered our church to host it, so I figured I'd better go.  It was actually a good night, and the most repeated comment was "I just want to be somewhere where other people 'get it'.  That I can tell them what my kid is doing and they won't judge me".  I'm so glad there is a safe place for them to do that, and I promise I won't be telling you any of their stories.  It's ironic that as soon as I get home from my first support group meeting, with people who just want to be around other moms who "get it", that my sweet monster gave me another notch on my belt.  Seriously people--you can't make this stuff up.

I come home and Aaron is still awake (it's 10:30 PM mind you).  He has confiscated my laptop and is in his bedroom with a bowl of goldfish crackers watching one second of a YouTube clip of Baby Neptune over and over and over...obviously it's late and it's time for him to go to bed, so being the responsible parent that I am, I tell him it's bedtime.  The next two minutes unfold like this.

Me: "Aaron, it's time to go to bed.  Let's go potty and brush your teeth."  We walk to the bathroom.  Stop reading right now if you have a weak stomach. 

Let me first quickly back up.  Aaron has been neglecting to pay attention and "aim" while he's going to the bathroom, so we've had to back up and actually follow him into the bathroom and give him the direction "pay attention".  Seriously?  He's 11. 

Anyhow.  We walk to the bathroom and he's carrying his bowl of fish crackers.  He walks up to the toilet and I go to take the bowl of goldfish crackers from him as he's standing over the toilet.  He won't let go of them so I say to myself "fine, he can hold them, it's not that big of a deal".  True to the way we roll in this house, he accidentally drops the entire bowl into the toilet.  I was on top of my game (or so I thought), so I immediately grab the bowl out of the toilet (thankfully he hadn't actually started going yet) and flush it because I know what was going to happen and I didn't want him grabbing fish crackers out of the toilet.  As the fishies are going down the drain, he decides he going to help them on their journey by peeing on them.  Fine.  Well...ummmm....this is the part where I'm not on top of my game.  He grabs the bowl he dropped into the toilet (that I had put on the tank) and drinks the toilet water that was left in it!  I'm grossed out, and calmly rip it out of his hands and say "gross"!  I know, I know, you're not supposed to react--but COME ON!   You know how the toilet bowl drains, and then fills back up again?  The toilet fills back up and some of the fishies come back up...so naturally he reaches into the toilet to grab them out TO EAT THEM!  NASTY!  I was able to grab his hand after he stuck it in the water, but before he was able to get one of those fishies in his hot little hands.  I'm standing there helpless.  I've got a toilet water contaminated bowl in one hand, Aaron's hand in my other hand, and I can't flush the toilet again because it's still filling back up with water!  Aaron is trying to squirm out of my death grip to grab the crackers, and I'm rattling the handle to get those suckers down!  Needless to say, I got him out of there, had him wash his hands, brush his teeth and off to bed!  It took FOUR flushes before the toilet was free and clear of the crackers.

And THAT is how I ended my day! 

Humility

There are very few places like church that provide wonderful opportunities for humility.  While going to the store with Aaron often turns head with people judging me for all sorts of reasons, I don't have to see those people every single week.  I have fairly thick skin, but there is still a little part of me that would like to put on a front that I am a good mother who doesn't let her children leave the house looking like Pig-Pen from the comic strip Peanuts.  Is this too much to ask?  Apparently it is.  Let me back up for a moment.  If you've been reading this blog, you know that ANY functional language should be rewarded IMMEDIATELY by doing what is requested.  We have also been working very hard on answer questions with "yes or no" (more importantly choosing which of those words he wants, and not answering the question with the phrase "yes or no"!!!)  Over the past 3 days Aaron has made some pretty cool gains by answering yes and no questions appropriately, and making brand new requests (with words he hasn't used before) that we have acted on.  Fast forward to this morning.  I wake Aaron up and tell him to get dressed for church.  Naturally he goes for the nasty, pizza smeared clothes he wore yesterday.  Our conversation goes like this:

Me: (Taking the dirty shirt away from him)  No honey.  You can't wear this shirt today.  It's dirty.

Monster: Shirt.

Me: (Quite happy that he has correctly identified the object in my hands, as he has never done this before, but still standing my ground).  You can't wear this one.  It's dirty.  How about this one? (Holding up another shirt).

Monster: (He takes the shirt out of my hand and puts it back in the drawer, and then tries to grab the dirty Captain America shirt out of my other hand).  Shirt.

Me: (Standing my ground.  So I put the DIRTY Captain America shirt between my legs and pick out two other shirts.  I hold them up.)  Your shirt is dirty.  Which shirt do you want to wear, this one or this one?

Aaron:  Dirty!

I've been defeated.  This boy has never verbally told me that he wants to wear his dirty nasty clothes (although he has let me know in screeching and whining in the past).  So I have to go by the "rules" and let him wear the nasty, dirty, pizza sauce smeared shirt.  I figure I would outsmart him by having him put a sweatshirt over the shirt and then people wouldn't see the nastiness.  I tell him he needs to put on a sweatshirt, and he does.  As we're walking into church I see that the stupid sweatshirt is dirtier than his shirt!  And so, I walk into the doors of church with Pig-Pen.  The only thing we were missing was his nasty blanket and my pride.